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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shilly Shally Damselfly

The sunlight after the chill night felt like heaven, the power of that view was undeniable, I could see Central park spread out below me, dotted with people and trees, with their leaves turning orange and gold ....The stretch of high rises in the distance. Then the river, Then New Jersey...

He lives in New Jersey, I heard myself saying...........

Suddenly it felt like there was just me and the sadness, but even that did not feel heavy just then, it just felt there, like my nose, like the scar over my arm I got from picking at a chickenpox scab when I was seven.....Just another part of me.....

We adored each other once. I remembered it. I had a handful of mental pictures, postcards that had gotten soft around the edges from being handled so often...

The phone in the room rang...
“Your cab to airport will arrive in 15 min. Have a great morning” a women from the front desk announced.
“Sure..thanks much..good day “ I placed the receiver back and moved back to the window..



Mind wandered again....
We stared at each other .......I waited. I waited for an apology, an explanation, something that could make sense of whatever happened....Nothing came....After a moment of awkward silence he walked out of the room, and I was left alone, hoping this was a phase, a fling, a bad dream even.
No such luck.
The distance had arrived for good!

May be I should start thinking that these things happen to me because I am strong enough to take them....
I pulled the door and moved out to the reception

When was the last time I saw him, I tried to remember ....it was fall again..We had gone for a walk around the block, Half way back it had started to snow..Unexpectedly...
his first snow...
and we both stood, holding hands with our eyes shut and our mouths wide open, feeling the flakes like tiny wet kisses on our cheeks, long after everyone went inside.

I closed my eyes against the memory..

The cab barrelled down the New Jersey Turnpike at eighty miles an hour, right past the exit that would take me to his door...I tapped two of my fingers against the window as we sped past.
Hello and Good Bye!

2 Comments:

Blogger BaKfIrE said...

A different flavor - gud read!

11:42 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jyothi Sanjeev : said...

preethu, nice one . hope u r doing good.

11:34 PM GMT+5:30  

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