A deep dark night

After a hectic week at work, I was all in mood to relax and have a laidback weekend. Friday when I got back home, it was late in the evening and drizzling, bad day for a walk by the lake, I pondered, what should I do, just go and sleep, did not feel like eating, it is boring to cook and eat alone, so no cooking. now what……

I called home and checked on them. Calling home and talking to Amma is a usual to me. If I don’t call and speak to them, I feel like" I did not do my homework! ". Some sort of a worry that I did not do what I need to do…many have asked me , what happens if you don’t call them one day, nothing is going to change?, what do you talk everyday?…., but knowing me, I couldn’t pass a day without talking to Amma and Achan.

Just when I was deciding to hit the bed really early, there was a knock on my door, it was my friend. I was happy when I opened the door and invited him in. …we spoke in length about books, Home, and many things happening around and finally decided to see a movie. I never had the courage to watch that movie alone; it is supposedly a scary movie or rather a weirdo movie, so had just seen the first bit of it and ended it there, now that I had company, I talked him into watching that movie. All said and done, I got upset (let me not use the word scared) a number of times, because of the weirdo background music they had every time something crazy was to happen. Finally, it was all over, blood and death and what not…..Thank god, it was over…and the toughest of the time was yet to come…being alone on a dark night after a horrible movie.

I laid awake on my bed for a long time thinking how I felt long back after watching “Manichitrataazh”,I was even scared to walk alone to the dining room to fetch a glass of water after 7.00 in the evening. I think I was in my 9th grade when that movie got released and even now when I go to Kerala my cousins tease me with that song" oru murai vand ".

Once during Pooja holidays we were in Thrissur and Rekhus Smithu and I walked to the temple to keep our books for Pooja. (It is a tradition in Kerala and for those of you who do not know, once your books are kept for pooja, you don’t have to study or even touch the book until Vidhyarambam day). By the time we got out of the temple, it was a little dusky.I was the eldest among the three and it was my responsibility to take the other two home safe. As we walked suddenly, wind blew strongly and we heard a thunder, we held each others hand and ran till we reached home. I had hugged Amma and slept the whole night, That was me……….. Years have passed but I still remain the same …Happy and bold during the day and scared like a kid during dark windy nights….

I stared at the darkness through the sliding door of my room and heard the wind blow , a wolf like howl, it added to my fear. Its just wind , just wind….. I told myself a thousand times, I did not have the courage to go and pull down the blind…for a long time , I sat on my bed with wide opened eyes and my mind somehow raced to the biology lab of my school. We had a human skeleton in there, leaning forward as though ready to grab down with those fingers which I never had the courage to look at throughout my schooling., and he (Some how I thought it was a male) had a cunning smile standing there in a glass cage... it always brought shivers to me.....I called it Rengaswamy’s skeleton.

Rengaswamy used to be a tailor near our place whom I was scared to go to , every time I had to stitch my school uniform Achan used to take me there and I used to hate the sight of him, it was an unknown fear, may be because he was a well built huge man, or he had a very cruel voice which scared me as a kid……He died when I was in 5th grade or so. That news had made me happy. Death then to me was someone just disappearing from your surroundings , Rekhus death changed the meaning of death to me….Its only after her death that I realized what the value of life is and what a wonderful gift it is to be “Living”.


The first time I saw Rengaswamys skeleton was when I walked to meet my Sanskrit teacher when I was in the 7th grade and I panicked and got down the stairs and ran back to my class room, and later had to ask Madhu to accompany me. His chamber was right next to this biology lab and I used to bend my head and walk till I entered his room…I loved biology classes except for the part of going into the lab, I ensured I never sat next to that cage of Rengaswamy. When I was in my 9th grade , my class room was next to the biology lab and whenever the lab doors were open , Madhu used to warn me that its open………and I used to walk straight into the class room without even looking anywhere.

I realized I have never seen a skeleton after my school for real, My parents and friends used to make fun of me when I told them that I wanted to be a Doctor, and today I thank heavens that am not one, I would have passed out in one of those labs for sure…….

I stared into the night and drowned into fear, and thoughts bled into me from all the unwanted horror stuffs I have seen during the past and to top it all , the scary empty dark night, a deep dark night again ..........heard and forgotten memories of horrible nights came rushing into my mind………I started to see in that dim glow shadows of god knows who…. Storm kept howling fiercely, I prayed it should be dawn soon,

I tried hard to sleep..... recalled what Achan used to say to me when I used to be worried about something, all bad things that happen will soon be past, with all the ” wonder hows?” and “why me’s?” and “why now’s?” Night will soon be past and the sun would rise tomorrow and bring brand new day …
I started telling the little prayer Amma thought me as a kid.. Aalathur Hanumaney, pedi swapnam kaataruthe.pedi swapnam kandaalo Valu kondu thattiyunarthane……