Little Nothings

My Photo
Name:
Location: India

I claim Nothing here ..read at your own risk!!!!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Finger prints on window panes .....

A new life starts here from now, All the best....Achan kissed my forehead and got into the car......
....saw those tear-filled eyes of Amma and the proud look on Acha's face and the ever giggling face of my little sister, shouting have fun Dhiii...Byeeeee, Miss you.............
blurred image of the car through tear-filled eyes......



I do not know how long I stood at the gate waving at them as the car disappeared into the distance....
With a heavy heart and cursing my decision of choosing the college away from home, I walked back to the door of the hostel...
The countless brown and black eyes.....the cream-colored walls with brown border....I searched for one familiar face....no, not any...

Room number 171, I reconfirmed before I unlocked the door....Malayalam
Two cots and the folded bed tied tightly by Achan, a large green suitcase which saw the light only when we left to Kerala for summer vacations, a new black stroller which had a number lock on it, with all my certificates and some cash (I could still hear Achan's voice asking me to be careful with my belongings), my red leather bag and Chinju all arranged to the left side of the room.

I kept wondering what to do now, Saturday evening at home, its usually malayalam movie time on Surya, munching Amma's parippuvada, laughter, and teasing Amma about the manglish pronunciations.......
but this evening was empty....

Amma had given me a list of things to do after she left, make the bed arrange your cupboard.....

I looked at the bottle green painted metal cot on the other side.....wonder who would come there....I heard a knock on the door, it was the administrator at the office, "your roommate will join only after a month, don’t wait for anybody today"
I smiled back and nodded my head in positive....
you can lock your door, she said and walked away...

I left the door half-open....we never closed doors at home.....only the main door closed when it was time to wind the day.......
some things dontdon't change...I can never lock myself up in a room when am alone even now...




I am going to be all by myself for a month now...is that what it meant...all the consoling about having a roommate for a company from Amma and Achan suddenly went into the drain...living away from home, for someone like me who was born and raised in the closed cocoon of love and affection from parents, was the toughest thing ever............ But I was supposed to be a brave girl....,

With great difficulty I untied the knots and spread the new bed on the cot.....
For the first time in my life, I had a bed all to myself....no more sharing with Smithu, no more pulling the ends of the blanket towards each other...I felt a little weird...
I donno if I was happy…….or excited then?

Made the bed with the new bedspreads, emptied the clothes in the suitcase and pushed the suitcase under my cot, arranged my cupboard, opened the new black stroller and pulled out the photo frame in it...A picture of us four placed it on the side table and placed ganu too on the side table along with the little lamp Amma had packed me.
Pulled out the cream-colored fiber plate and the steel glass and spoons and kept them in one of the racks of the cupboard along with the pickle....

It took almost three hours to set up everything and was kind of dusky when I looked out of the window....the green fields and to a corner the college building...
maybe the stream was behind the college.... I guessed...had heard someone speak about a stream when I was filling up my joining form...

I sat on the bed and looked around...everything was so quiet.......and I was feeling hungry too....should I just stay in the room and have the bread and jam amma has packed or should I go to the dining room...I don't even know anybody...how do I go and eat out alone....??? Thoughts flashed into my brain

I looked at the ceiling and stared at the rotating fan.....it buzzed .....that buzz was going to be the lullaby for the next two years of my life.....
Amma Achan and Smi would have reached home...what would they be doing....I wondered....a few hours and I was already homesick....

Someone knocked at the door, I looked up, A tall, slender girl with straight hair smiled at me.
Am Sandhya, Next door...:),
saw the door open....
do you want to come down for dinner......we are all going for dinner ??

I had a sense of relief at having someone to talk to ........
someone to give the unknown newcomer a warm welcome and company ...

I thanked her, grabbed my plate and glass and hopped behind her....I don’t have a count on the many meals that we have had together in that rectangular dining hall of our hostel.... but that night though was the start of a friendship that would grow and last forever...



Am glad I left that door open ...so happy that you stepped into my room and to my life Sandu....

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Silence that refuses to be silent.

A Friday afternoon, the Lake Michigan looked bluer and clearer after the rain through his window;One of those days when he wanted to shut-off from the world.He avoided all the invites of his friends and decided to stay back and finish “From Heaven Lake”, a read long pending …..

A distance away he saw a curly haired girl walking with a bunch of shopping bags and an umbrella; least bothered to catch the scarf that flew off from her ……h

The admiration he had for her in the past was still there within him, covered over now like a bandaged wound, not yet healed underneath and perhaps still easily reopened…….Did she even exist in any corner of the world….If only someone could tell ……

She was never still for even a second….
The hustle-bustle of the house would vanish when she was away….
Always pacing or talking with hands, never still, standing, sitting, he would find her forever in motion….
Maalavika …………..his Maalu chechi……
She was the prettiest thing he had ever seen……Long black curly hair, large eyes which always carried a twinkle…… Smart, so much that she never had to search text books to answer his questions…She never scolded him when he got down the dirt unlike his mom and aunts…
Forever smiling and giggling……….


A summer vacation without Maaluchechi…. he couldn’t even think of one…
She would act like boys did, shoot marbles, climb trees, flick grandpa’s keys and drive all the kids to the river side…… and if anybody said something which she did not like, she would go right after them, she didn’t even spare Grandpa, she wasn’t afraid….and that made her “The Hero” …she was his "Hero"…

A job so far away…..he didn’t know how far………..very far away they said……
She had called home before she left….

Next time when I come there, I will take you and Meenu to Vega-land……and that’s a Maalavika promise…..Shhhhhhhhhh… don’t tell anyone, Pack your bag and be ready …alright…….” And he heard her giggle.

But Maaluchechi……..Achan??

Ill get the permission…I have got a job now” giggles “ok…Shhhhhhh

When will you come?……… Will you come back soon??”

There was a pause….and then she replied…“hmm…
lets say 2 years, when you finish your seventh exams ok…When our tree blooms ………….bye now…Maaluchechi has to go”

Bip bip bip…
And he was left dreaming about Vega Land and all the fun rides……

He received many yellow postcards from the school announcing his results and the date, the school would reopen….
Secretly he kept his bag packed to go to Vega land…..



Every vacation passed quietly there after ………
Still he hoped, smiling and giggling his Maaluchechi would come one day and take Meenu and him to all the fun rides he keeps watching on the television…

Once he got a reply from grandpa that he had disliked instantly when he enquired when Maaluchechi would come home- “she doesn’t have time to go meet her parents ,and you are dreaming about her coming here for a vacation; in this remote village…she will not come …… …” Grandpa had shook his head and laughed with tobacco in his mouth.
He had seen Veliyamma breaking into tears when Meenu once asked about Maaluchechi

As he grew he realised it wouldn’t be pretty if he tried to know about her……. He never asked anybody anything after that……

Everyone seemed to have forgotten Maaluchechi now;
Summers’ passed and the violet flowers bloomed …..…. reminding him of her; and a promise……

She would be somewhere, living on some heaven lake……he believed…..
He still kept her, he never had the heart to tell her not to be there…in that corner of his heart……………

We have passed out of the town center and are in the residential outskirts. Small mud houses with walled compounds go past, a grape trellis flung over a courtyard, an occasional tall sunflower raising its head over a wall......
he stopped reading; closed the book….
And walked towards the window ……

Was she alive somewhere in those mud houses……….if only someone could tell him……………


Labels: